I'd like to bear my testimony of...

For those of you who find me bordering on sacrilegious when I write my testimony posts, this one is for you. Today, I want to bear my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It seems to me to be a little out of my character to do so, especially on my blog, but I'm going to do it anyway.

What a blessing it was for me to watch/listen to General Conference this weekend. For too many weeks, I've felt as though I've been floating around in this world without anything to hold me down. I have felt lost, without purpose, easily frustrated, easily confused and sometimes downright depressed. I have known that I needed to find my feet and that I needed the Lord to help me find them, but sometimes you get so lost that you don't even know where to start to get back on track, you know? I won't burden you with any more details, but now, more than ever, I think that I understand the misery of damnation. There is nothing more horrible than the inability to progress.

It's hard for me to listen to leaders of this church speak. The words that they speak can just pierce my soul, I feel as though they are reading into my mind, finding all of my weaknesses and insecurities and laying them out for the world to hear all about them. They make me feel so unbelievably inadequate, so small, so insignificant, so weak. It's in my nature, like so many others, to let those thoughts lead me to just give up and stop trying, but I'm trying to fight those inclinations. One thing that I know the Lord has blessed me with is a sense of who I am and where I came from. I know that there is so much more to me than what I have become so far. I know that the Lord has given me great potential and I don't want to let him down by not even trying to reach it.

I still don't exactly know where to start, I still feel incredibly inadequate, probably because I am. But I want, so desperately to please Him. I want to do what He wants me to do. I want Him to know that I've tried my hardest to be His servant. I want to take the inadequacy that I feel and allow it to motivate me to be an improved person, propel me onto a different level of living. Through all of the negativity I feel about myself, I also have a great deal of hope and excitement for what I can become.

I hope that all of you took the opportunity to listen to conference as well... who were your favorite speakers? What touched and inspired you?