I haven't been around much lately. It happens. To catch you up, I've been planning Thanksgiving dinner, cooking Thanksgiving dinner, eating Thanksgiving dinner, shopping after Thanksgiving dinner and getting up the next morning to shop some more.
Now that Thanksgiving is over, I'm really excited for Christmas and most of my shopping is done at this point. I feel like a fantastic parent because I got my kids all the latest and greatest toys and I got them all on sale, which makes them better than other people's. Come December 25th, they'll be the proud owners of Pillow Pets
(it's a pillow AND a pet!)
Lalaloopsies
(the Today show proclaimed them the Cabbage Patch Doll of 2010)
and Zhu Zhu Pets,
which I guess were last years toy of the season, but whatever.
I've put a lot of thought and energy into my children's Christmas presents and after some careful deliberation, I've decided that the one thing that I am absolutely NOT buying is an American Girl Doll. If I were to buy those things, that's ALL I could afford to get my kids for Christmas and I like shopping way too much to do that to myself. In fact, I've worked very hard to ensure that my girls don't even become aware of American Girl Dolls and I was successful, until a few short weeks ago when this arrived in our mailbox.
And in that moment that Lizzy saw it, everything was ruined.
"Look, mama!" Lizzy exclaimed, "they have these dolls that you can buy me."
Oh no.
"Oh, Lizzy!" I had to think fast... "how nice of the people to send you a book about little girls and their dolls that look just like them."
"No. mama, you can buy those dolls and get one for me."
"I'm sorry Lizzy, but those dolls aren't for sale. They are special dolls just for that book they sent you about dolls."
She's too smart. She wasn't buying it, but neither am I.
We've spent a lot of time perusing that catalog over the last several weeks and I have to commend the American Girl people for working so hard to make sure that every little girl, no matter what color her hair or her skin is, can find a doll that makes her feel included. Yes, it doesn't matter what shape her eyes are or whether she likes pink or purple or blue, she'll find a doll that she can identify with. Girls with freckles, girls with glasses, you name it. And now, the American Girl people have been so kind as to add buck toothed, beaver girls that have to wear head gear all the time to the catalog.
I'm serious. Check it.
After further deliberation, I am now officially prepared to say that this... is dumb.
Ya, I said it.
Yes, I know. I sound mean. There's a logical reason for this... I am mean. But for those of you who don't know, I am a buck toothed, beaver girl and my dad still has the mold of my teeth to prove it. I wore headgear for several years as a young child. To bed. Around the house. To school. To get a drink from the drinking fountain. I'm not kidding here. I had two rounds of braces, the first started in 3rd grade and included the dreaded headgear. Fixing my disaster of a mouth was a multi-staged process, so I had the braces put back on when I was a little older and lived my life with rubber bands pulling my buck teeth back into their proper place until I was 17. It sucked.
Take it from me, DON'T let your kids suck their thumbs.
When the orthodontics started, it was the 80's, which just weren't a flattering period in general for me and I spent most of the decade with my hair permed and running around in jumpsuits and units. I also had a large cyst on my face that eventually grew into a force to be reckoned with. My mom finally took me to have it lanced and drained and now I have a hole in my face where it once existed. I do. I'll show it to you next time I see you. I went to the dermatologist a couple of months ago and she was eager to cut my cheek open and stitch it back up to get rid of the hole. I'm still considering it, you know, to erase the painful memories.
Fortunately for me, my parents kept all the old photos so that I never rid myself of said memories and I ran across one a few weeks ago. Wanna see?
It's so perfect. The perm! The jumpsuit! The braces! The growth! The cold soar!
This, my friends, is how I lived my life for many, many years. Oh, the other photo is Jane. Leave her out of this. She's just unfortunate enough to have to share the corner of the cabinet door with me.
It makes me laugh so hard I can hardly breath.
Remind anyone of a Liz Lemon flashback? Me too.
It was an.... awkward time for me.
Where were you then buck toothed American Girl doll?
Where were you when I needed you?
I never felt the comfort and joy in knowing that somewhere there was a doll that looked just like me and suffered just like me and knew all my pains, and neither will my girls. It just ain't happening.
p.s. - if some of the text is bigger on your screen, like it is on mine, this is not because I'm making a point. It's because I don't know how to fix it. That is all.
11 comments:
Sometimes I wonder how I was ever lucky enough to know someone like you. I can't imagine anyone ever replacing you...my clever, honest, funny friend. I love you...for everything you were and everything you are. Thanks for always being so raw...it always seems to make my life seem not half bad :)
When I think of you Laura, I still picture you as that girl in the photo. Don't think bad of me, that is just when I knew you best. And they may not have had an American Girl doll in the 80's that had head gear, but they did have a Cabbage Patch kid that did. How do I know this? My sister Shannon owned it (and probably still has it, for that matter). Your mom totally should have bought it for you.
Two things came to mind while I was reading your post:
1. Units. I forgot all about those. Why on earth did the Units people name them Units? Something else pops into my mind when I hear the word Unit-I'm just saying. I had a Unit dance costume. I hated that thing.
2. My favorite movie ever is "Sixteen Candles". Remember the scene where Joan Cusak is getting a drink with her headgear on? Every time I watch that scene I will now be thinking of you!
Where or where is the gratitude to your parents for spending good money on that expensive headgear!? Where is the appreciation for the fact that your parents actually did everything in their power to help you become the beautifuly young woman we now see!! Look up the difference between sore and soar--you may have started out sore, but you now soar. You get most of the credit, but you had some help along the way. Love, Mom
Too true, mom. I owe you for that too, as well as a million other things.
Curse that American Girl catalog! Jolie intercepted ours too and can't get those stupid dolls out of her head. Sorry kid, Santa ran out.
By they way, our Pillow Pets are the only Christmas present from last year my girls still play with. Yours will love them!
(PS - Next time your font size is funky, open Notepad (if you have a PC). Then copy the html of your post, paste in in Notepad, then delete your post and paste it back from Notepad. Don't know why this works, but it does. My Christmas present to you.)
My girls have the 18" Madame Alexander dolls... they are like the American Girl dolls, but not as expensive, plus my Mom bought them for my kids and they sew clothes for their dolls. That is the only way I could afford them. ha ha. I loved this post by the way. Your picture is so cute.
It's a good thing your kids don't know how to log on to blogspot or they would know what they were getting for Christmas! And Laura, the braces were worth it, I think. You have gorgeous teeth - well, everything about you is gorgeous! All that other stuff is in the past!
Katie got it into her head three Christmases ago that she wanted an American Girl doll, JULIE to be specific. Santa did bring the Tuesday Morning version (I did notice Costco has the Madame Alexander dolls, very cute...) Katie was just as excited to see "Julie" on Christmas morning as if I had spent the $100 on the authentic one. She only figured out recently that it wasn't a real American Girl doll, but this year when I asked her what she wants she just said some Princess coloring books. That does fit into my budget, nice.
p.s. I kind of remember that cist on your check now that I see the pictures.
laura, you make me laugh. haha (just to prove my point). I got an american girl doll, but i had to pay for it. then my mom and dad may or may not get me accesories for christmas. :)
love ya!
Ah, your glory days, for sure. I know there are a couple of frizzy perm hair pictures of me out there, although I had ginormous glasses in grade school instead of braces. Where's my American Girl?
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