I have arrived

Pardon me for a moment as I get all sentimental on you...

Today, Jane started another year of dance. As a result, I suddenly find myself thrown into the middle of an existential crisis. Ya, I know what you are thinking.

"Get a grip, Laura. How could Jane's first day of dance possibly throw you into an existential crisis? Shouldn't you wait until next week, when she starts kindergarten, for this?"

Were you here, I would respond by smiling politely and probably laughing a little. But behind my kind eyes, I would be thinking about how cruel and insensitive you are and most likely tempted to give you swift kick in the pants. Then I would force you to listen to me while I justify myself.

You see, today, I realized that I've reached "that" point as a parent. The point at which I sign Jane up for a tumbling class at a time that's inconvenient for me just because I want her to have the exposure to it. The point at which I sign her up for yet another ballet class because I think the structure and training will be good for her. I'm having to work out a tighter budget to afford the classes for her, arrange carpools and reschedule dinner time around HER schedule.

Remind me, when did I start letting my child run across the street and knock on the neighbors' doors to play? When did my work as a parent start revolving so much less around keeping her from falling down stairs and showing her how to brush her teeth and so much more around answering those hard, uncomfortable questions and teaching her about modesty and honesty and friendship? This must be when the tough part of parenting begins.

While Jane was gone today, I found myself without my helper, my partner at home and much to my surprise and delight, I found that Lizzy was ready and willing to fill her shoes. She was eager to help Charlie sit down after he got stuck standing at the TV cabinet and fish random objects out of his mouth. I had flashbacks to when Jane was about her age and I counted on her to help me with babies Lizzy and Ben as I took care of both of them during the day. It wasn't THAT long ago, was it?

There's a whole new stage of life waiting for me. A stage that involves homework and fights with friends and lip gloss and High School Musical. Until today, I guess I just didn't realize that I'd arrived at that stage.

I am currently in the process of freaking out.