Would you think less of me if I wore a hat?

At Thanksgiving I borrowed the movie Bonnie & Clyde from my dad. My dad's always got movies like that lying around. If you ever want to borrow a movie, my dad probably owns it. I had never seen Bonnie & Clyde. Seriously, I've made it all these years and I had never seen Bonnie & Clyde. I found it to be surprisingly violent for a film that wasn't rated. My brother, who is my authority on these matters, first congratulated me on finally viewing the monumental film and then informed me that the violence in it contributed to the development of our current rating system. Who knew?

John.

John knew.

Anyway, it was good. A little strange. Kinda choppy. Rather violent. I feel a little more well rounded and slightly more hip having seen it. I intend to try to bring it up in conversation from time to time in an effort to make other people feel as though they aren't as well rounded and hip as I am. But what I really took away from it was that Faye Dunaway was hot and she made me want to wear a hat.

John would be so proud. Seriously though, can you blame me?

You want to wear a hat too, don't you?

Several days later, I was shopping and I came across a hat. I wanted that hat. It was very important that the hat came home with me, but I was insecure. Can I pull that off? Can I wear a hat? I don't know. So I called my sister, who is my authority on these matters. She immediately started questioning me...

"Where are you?"

" I don't want to tell you."

"Why? Are you at Forever 21 or something?"

"No, I'm somewhere embarrassing."

"Where?"

"I'm at Tai Pan Trading."*

"What? (laughing, of course) They sell hats at Tai Pan? Are you sure that you want to be seen in a hat that you can buy at Tai Pan?"

"No! That's why I'm calling!"

"What kind of hat? Like a cap? or a fedora?"

I then thanked her for thinking so little of me as to assume that I was calling to ask her permission to wear a fedora and tried to explain to her the kind of hat I was looking at. I couldn't figure out what it was. It was molded and wool and formal and black and classy. If I were going to wear a hat, it would be a classy hat, not a fedora, for pete's sake. It looked a little something like this:

Only all black and instead of a buckle, there was a black flower made of wool. You get the picture though.

Had I been with my mom, who is my authority on these matters, she would have easily identified it as a cloche and then probably would have proceeded to tell me that I could get it if I wanted to. In my imagination, she wasn't helpful at all. Which is why I called my sister, who was equally UNhelpful.

I went home still insecure and empty handed, but I haven't forgotten about that hat.

Then, tonight, Brent and I watched Julie and Julia, which I very much enjoyed, and I was again inspired by the amazing hats that everyone wore and again I felt an overwhelming desire to wear a hat. Seriously, why did women stop wearing hats? What led to this? Who is responsible and where can I send my letter of outrage?

It's all gotten me thinking. If I WERE to buy said hat, I need to know...

What exactly are the rules for female hat wearing these days?

Where is it appropriate to wear a formal hat?

If I were to wear it to church, do I have to take it off when I get inside? Because that would kinda defeat the purpose.

and lastly,

Will you commit to supporting me in my hat purchase?

*let the record show that i'm not actually embarrassed to shop at tai pain trading. i shop there and buy there and love there. no, i wasn't embarrassed to be shopping there, only to be buying a HAT there. it just doesn't seem right.