What can YOUR kids accomplish in 5 minutes?

Wanna see what MY kids can do?

Exhibit A:

I just needed 5 minutes the other morning. Seriously, like 5 minutes to throw on some makeup so that I didn't look like I was dying. (do yourselves a favor and never stop by before i've put some makeup on. it isn't pretty. i believe i've scared neighbors in the grocery store.)

And I come downstairs to this. I was SOOOOOOO Happy!

Do you see the lid securely attached to the "flour" container. I was thanking my lucky stars that it was the rice and NOT the flour that morning.

The adorable little culprit. I caught him red handed. Not that he would have tried to deny anything, he was so pleased with himself.

Exhibit B:

And then this afternoon, I broke out the vacuum for the first time in a month and the children retreated to higher ground.

It got quiet up there. Too quiet...

Oh good gracious.

If I were totally, completely irresponsible, you could almost believe that I tattooed sleeves onto my baby.

No shame. No remorse.

I'd like to point out that she avoided her clothes completely. Ironically, the markers are washable... which is a good thing since I can't actually use soap on her skin. Eczema sucks.

Impressive, eh?

What have your kids accomplished in your 5 minutes of peace and quiet?

Once upon a time, I blogged

I also took pictures and then I patted myself on the back for being such a fantastic documentor (?)

documentator(?)

documentarian(?)

person who documents things about my childrens' lives.

I took these photos once upon that time to post for my mom because she hadn't been up to see the kids in several weeks. Now that my mom is here and currently enjoying her beloved grandchildren, it sounded like a good time to get around to posting them. I'm ironic like that.

I really have nothing interesting to report or groundbreaking to say. All I got are pictures of cute kids. I love cute kids... most of the time, but I love my nephew, Davie, all of the time. He's so sweet and cute a cuddly and smiley...

Hi Davie!

My family is kind of obsessed with Davie. Charlie is particularly taken with him, I'll have to get a video of an interaction to post. I think that Davie is the only person in the world that Charlie loves more than himself.

He might be in danger of being loved to death.

And... Ben, Mr. Potato Head Constructor Extraordinaire.

Jane is currently anti-Ben. It sounds mean, but it's really funny. She's always upset when he comes over (which is a lot) because he bullies her around. Seriously, hilarious.

Ben is literally half her age and half her size and yet she allows him to chase her around the house roaring at her like a dinosaur. She climbs up onto to tables and countertops to get away from him, crying. She's a little dramatic. He'll, like, hit her with something and then she'll come to me crying and every single time I say "Jane! You are seriously twice as big as him. Just TAKE IT AWAY." and she always looks at me like I'm a freaking genius and the thought had never occurred to her, even though I said yesterday, and the day before that and the day before that.

Personally, I'm not anti-Ben. I still love you Ben! And I love that you love Mr. Potato so much!

Me: "Ben, say Mr. Potato."

Ben" "mr. popato."

Me: "No, Ben. Po-TA-to."

Ben: "po-PA-to"

Me: "Po-TA-to. If you can say 'popato' you can say 'potato'."

Ben: "No, Ra-ra. I can't say it. I can't say 'po-pa-to'. I just say 'po-pa-to'."

BTW, Ben turned 3 yesterday. He and Charlie currently wear the same sized clothes. They also look a lot alike. It's getting slightly confusing, particularly when they are dressed identically. (it happens more often than i'd like to admit.) I didn't take any pictures of Charlie that day. He was probably busy clogging the toilet upstairs with a jar of mentholatum at the time, but here's a token photo of him for good measure.

And with that, I'm going to bed. To bed I said!

Friday Favorite

I keep having this idea to start a series of posts entitled "Friday Favorites" wherein I take pictures of things around my house that I really like. We've spent so much time (and money) over the last couple of years making this house unrecognizable to the previous owners and now there are so many things that I like about my house that I'm starting to feel compelled to share. The title would be cute and alliterative and the posts themselves would operate under the assumption that everyone, everywhere is fascinated with the mirror I bought last week or the shade of gray that I recently painted in my entryway. Yup. Cute and self centered, just the way a blog post should be.

Problem is that every Friday, I either forget or don't have the energy to clean up enough to take pictures of my house that I'd be willing to show the world. I guess that my plan for the perfect blog post is flawed. Oh well. I'm not afraid of failure.

Moving on... I have something to show you. Brent and I (so to speak) remodeled our laundry room and main floor bathroom. The bathroom isn't done, but the laundry room is. Oo la la. I love me a nice laundry room. First, allow me to show you the before.

The pictures look really cramped and tight.

There is a reason for this.

The reason is that it was small and I couldn't get any perspective. I have no issues with a small laundry room (it's just laundry) but we have those fancy shmancy front loaders and couldn't really open the door to get inside them. They were also wedged in a pan that slanted and prevented us from being about to level the washer. It got really loud when it shook.

And it was just gross. Once upon a time, there was a sink, but we had to move it because it wouldn't fit with the washer and dryer so there was just a messed up wall and cat litter and spilled laundry detergent on the floor from when the washer shook it off. I have been referring to it as the Pit of Despair.

So the demo began.

All we did to the space was bump the wall on one side in to accomidate a sink, but we moved the washer and dryer to another wall and bumped the toilet (on the other side of the wall) over a few inches which required a complete plumbing overhaul. Jaime cut a hole in the floor so that they didn't have to walk up and down the stairs to access the crawl space.

And Charlie joined him once or twice.

Have you met Jaime?

Jaime is our roommate. He's lived with us since before Charlie was born. He's our good friend, our kids love him and we love having him living here. He's also magical. Since we've known him he's worked his magic on our home including (but not limited to) transfiguring our ugly blue bathroom into one that looks like is belongs in a hotel (when I clean it), conjuring up a bedroom for Lizzy out of thin air and most recently transforming The Pit of Despair into a totally tricked out, overly upgraded laundry room.

Actually, we did the laundry room on the cheap, it just appears to be tricked out. The cabinets and shelves and countertops and sink are all cheap IKEA stuff. We already had the hardware and the faucet and we found the tile at Tile-4-Less. The only thing that cost actual money was the glass tile for the backsplash. It was my splurge and I have no regrets.

Now the whole family loves our laundry room. Laundry-doing is up 80% (or whatever), which is good for our reputations since we aren't walking around in grungy clothes all the time. In fact, the kids, I think, like to hang out in there a little too much...

The little thief.

The bathroom is almost there. All we need to do is put in a sink, a toilet, a mirror and a light. I'll be sure to post pictures of those too since it will undoubtedly be a favorite of mine, although I cannot promise they will end up on my blog on a Friday.

Animal Instincts

Shortly after my eldest was born, my mom pointed out to me that children are most certainly NOT born civilized human beings. They are born heathens and it's the parents' responsibility to refine them. As far as Charlie in concerned, this definitely the case.

In the past few weeks, he's made some rapid regression to his animal instincts... it's been most disappointing for me. He is currently the most destructive force of nature I've ever encountered, I seriously feel like I'm trying to raise a mischevious monkey as a son.

Anyway, I wanted to post some pictures of his second favorite pastime. His favorite is to drink from his sippy and spit it's contents at anyone or anything within reasonable baby distance. It's super charming, especially when we forget and give him juice. His second favorite pastime is to throw his food on the floor so as to facilitate his eating it like a dog.

"Yum, old Froot Loops."

"What?!"

And I just sit there and allow it to happen. I'm going to have to start working a lot harder if I want to refine this one.

I was not prepared for this. For the record, when it comes to cleaning up messes off the floor, snaking toys out of the toilet, taking screwdrivers and hammers from tiny fingers before they smash in your walls or cabinets or fireplace glass, and chasing around children who've managed to snatch a knife out of the dishwasher while you were trying to unload it (why does he always go for the knives?) boys are way harder.

Wanna see something weird?

Cameron took this picture of Lizzy last week. It looks like Lizzy, only more like Lizzy as a 12 year old than Lizzy as a 2 year old.

It's kinda fitting since Lizzy always seems like she's about 20 years older than she actually is. The other day, she was in the car and started talking to herself. I just listened and interjected here and there so she knew I wasn't ignoring her, but she really didn't need any encouragement.

"mom! i can't find my receipt! i been looking all over for it and it isn't anywhere. i look under my bed and under my blankies and i check under dee couch and it isn't dere! what am i going to do? i need my receipt. oh! i know where it is. it is inside my kitty. did you know dat, mom? my kitty ATE my receipt! but moooOOOooom! kitties don't eat receipts. kitties have kitty food dat tastes very good to dem. dey like to eat kitty food, not receipts!...."

I could post about 50 similar quotes, each of them equally amusing to me. Nothing escapes her notice and once she's noticed something, she never forgets. She's definitely unlike anyone I've ever met and she is definitely wicked smart, in an unsettling sort of way.

Boy do I love her.

I'm Lame

Have you noticed how lame I am? Because if you haven't, allow me to catch you up to speed.

For the record... I'm lame.

The past couple of weeks have involved several things, but mostly consisted of me being really tired and not being able to bring myself to blog. Why am I so tired? Oh ya, it's because I have three children who refuse to all be asleep at the same time. I swear, it's like they plan it.

Anyway, the time has come for me to post because my mom has started giving me a hard time, and no one wants to disappoint their mom. So, largely for my mom, here are all the photos I've taken since the last time I posted.

This is a photo of Jane being "Super Jane" and Charlie. One of my kids' favorite games is to tie something around their necks and then refer to themselves as "Super Jane" or "Super Lizzy" or do the same to animal and calling it "Super Monkey" etc.

Ya, it's super safe to allow them to tie things around their necks and run through the house. That's how tired I've been.

This is a similar photo, only minus the flash. Good heavens, Jane.

This is why I didn't have the flash on. Charlie's adorable smile has been all but flashed out.

This is a blurry, creepy, photo of Super Lizzy and Charlie running from her. Who can blame him? She does look kinda creepy, and she's probably after his fishy crackers. I was trying to get a photo of them side by side because that night, I had weighed both of them and as it turns out, my not quite 18 month old and soon to be 3 year old weigh within 2 pounds of each other. Either Lizzy is minuscule or Charlie is massive. Or both.

This is a photo of Charlie in his favorite spot. His high chair. This is where he eats.

This is a photo of Charlie with a double cheeseburger.

This is a photo of Charlie attempting to eat a double cheeseburger.

And this is why my baby weighs almost 30 pounds.

Seriously, you should check out my guns. Carrying him around is quite the workout.

And now I will go back to being lame.

When Dad's away...

Leslie was foolish enough to leave Ben under my supervision this afternoon.

I love Ben.

Ben loves me.

We are a happy fam-i-ly.

Ben also loves to play dress up and when he's at my house, dress up involves a lot of pink and glitter and high heels. He asked me to facilitate his transformation into a princess this afternoon and I was happy to be of assistance.

Then he asked me to take his picture.

Sure thing, Ben!

It's these kinds of pictures that make Cameron super happy to have him at my house.

"i so cute!"

"i's adorable."

He'll regret it someday (especially when he sees the pictures), but for now, he's perfectly happy stomping around in his Snow White heels.

And he's perfectly comfortable with his masculinity....

Because is he's going to be a princess, he's going to do it his way.

Have I mentioned that I love Ben?